learning to trust my own opinions and expertise
Things are really crazy at work. We are short-staffed during a very busy three week period, and it’s starting to take a toll.
I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself, working days and nights last week, and on Sunday, but yesterday I opened my eyes and took a look around me and realized that the whole team is in the same situation – we are all struggling to achieve the priorities, and anything second-tier just isn’t getting done at all.
A part of the way I’m feeling is guilt – guilt that I should have sorted out better relief staffing to help us through. I tried, but plans kept falling through until it felt like I couldn’t spend anymore time NOT doing my own work trying to come up with a solution.
I’m not really coping very well. I’m feeling overwhelmed with what needs doing. Lost. Desperate for that sense of control, I find myself getting distracted with easy things that I can accomplish – respond to that email, sort out that small problem – but the big things leave me frozen.
I’ve suffered from mild cases of depression before, and I can recognize those similar feelings of being so overwhelmed (and underwhelmed) that I just stay rooted to the spot, without energy to do the things I know need doing.
I’m lucky that at the end of this week I get a staff member back, and by the end of next week all our major events are over (for now) and some semblance of life as usual will return.
Last night I watched a program on SBS about the discovery of anti biotics and vaccinations. It took a look at Smallpox and it’s eradication. I’ve never actually seen pictures of smallpox before, or understood what it really was. And then some scientists at The World Health Organisation had a dream, a dream that they weren’t sure was even possible, but they said they were going to do it, they locked themselves into a plan: to rid the world of Smallpox in ten years. And they did it.
I don’t know what sort of conclusion I am aiming for here: that humankind is capable of such power and beauty; that anything can be achieved if you set your mind to it; that stating aloud your plans can help make them happen; that dreaming big is the start of greatness; that my problems are small fry… You can choose your own meaning.